So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
this boner is exhausting
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
