he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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