i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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