i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
