I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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