tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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