I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
