I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
