He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
