rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We are two peas in an std pod
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
