omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
