Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
