I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
