dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
