I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
