I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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