I just saw a hot homeless man
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
