If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
