True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
