Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
