Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
