I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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