Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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