why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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