I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Found your dick twin last night
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
