There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
