is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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