We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
