i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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