no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
