I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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