Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
