My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
