thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
