he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Randomize
