so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
