at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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