My underwear smells like fireworks.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
