I never want to see another naked old woman again.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize