Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
