I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
