I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
