The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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