you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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