Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
