We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
