i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
