spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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