I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
