I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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