Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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