Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
